"Now I shed tears instead of laughter"

"How long before it becomes an obsession? I can assure you nothin bad will happen to you. I don't want to hurt you. I'm mad but, not crazy. I think of everything we went threw together and ask myself how is this happing? After all the shit we have gone threw... Is there no such thing as love? Is this it? I don't know how I am going to meet anyone and go threw as much shit with them as I did you. It doesn't even seem possible. I don't think I will ever be as down as when I met you. Everything else will just seem shallow compared to what you have seen me threw. I don't have to thank you. You know I care. It's just so surreal to think it's over now and I have to find something else to do. I am not the type to fall in love so easy as you. It took me a while to feel what we call love and I don't know how I am going to do it again without you. You say it's ok. Don't worry. How can you? If you loved me wouldn't you be sweating bullets right now too? How can it be? You let go of me. I do commend you on keeping your word with me. You said if I ever got with Leslie again it would be over. So, out of all the things you said that didn't hold up that one thing broke the damn. Well if that is all it took then there must be something in you that wanted out. It's kind of funny I don't really feel the same. I guess you call it insanity. Loving you over and over. Insanity doing the same thing over and over. I guess maybe it is. But, it was good and I loved doing it over and over. I don't want to change. I don't want to go out and do the bar scene or the single thing. I am being forced to now and it's hard. My heart really isn't in it. I would rather be loving you but, you say that's insane. Not changing is crazy. I really think being on tv changed you and you saw that men wanting you was an opportunity for you to move up. Some man is sleeping with my woman. It took forever just to be allowed in her house. I love her heart. I loved her very much and now some other man got what I worked so hard for. Ironic. You were worth it. I will always remember you the way you were. The way you were before being on TV made your head big and changed. Maybe I changed and wanted more too. I wanted you. But, I couldn't have you the way you appear to me in my dreams forever. Old man time is a Bastard. I wish I could have that moment forever when I made you laugh that was all that mattered. When I first met you and thought my parents were paying you to be with me. Now I shed tears instead of laughter.